Archives / 2014 / July
  • 10 Ways Parenting Prepares Me for the Zombie Apocalypse

    Some of my friends are concerned about the pending zombie apocalypse. I've noticed that these are mostly my childless friends.  They might want to take note of the ways that parenting has prepared me for the rise of the undead, because I'm going to have advantages they don't when it comes to the end.

    Eluding Pursuit.  I have experience sprinting into a room under heavy chase and getting the door closed and locked before the pursuers catch me.  Will it be so different when I flee into a locked room to sharpen my zombie killing spears as opposed to simply changing my clothes all by myself? Just as my children figure out that Daddy is downstairs and can help them too, the zombies will head off in search of easier victims.

    Muscle Mass. When your one year old weighs nearly a third what you do, lugging that kid everywhere gives you muscle tone.  Add to that a second baby, an overstocked diaper bag, and two ton strollers and carseats, and you don’t need to work out.  When the zombies come I’ve got the strength to swing my survival pack to my back with ease as I throw my AK-47 to one shoulder while fending off the undead with my machete.  I won’t even break a sweat.

    Olfactory …